Lessons From The Fly


A fly in my bedroom helped me see more clearly that which I’ve been clinging to for too long. It strangely showed up, annoying me, after I’d been laying in bed pondering something I’ve been conflicted by for awhile.

I even had a metaphorical thought about 10 minutes before it flew into the bedroom that my conflict was similar to an annoying fly in that it just keeps coming back, landing on me and won’t go away - until I either remove it or I remove myself from the environment.

So, I got really curious and started asking myself some coaching questions - likely similar things that I’d ask a client if they brought such a conflict and fun metaphor as a topic of discussion to a coaching session.

Here is a peek into what that sounded like in my head, lol.

My first acknowledgement was that I repeatedly used the word “tolerate” in my thought process. So, I asked some questions about what tolerating means to me and how it shows up in my actions.

Even writing the word “tolerate”, I realize its significance. When we tolerate, we allow or permit something outside of our belief and/or values system. Beliefs and values! Ding ding ding ding - no wonder it’s bothering me so much.
So, the conversation in my head continues…every question tailored by the answers I had to the previous.

-What is it that I really want out of this exploration?
-What’s my relationship with the fly? What do I want it to be?
-What conditions could I change that would enable that relationship?
-What beliefs and/or values of mine are being impacted?
-Just how important are they to me? (Very)
-If very important, what boundaries do I need to establish to protect those values?
-What keeps me from doing that? (I will have to let go of something…)
-What makes letting go hard?
-How am I benefiting by not letting go?
-What happens if I don’t let go?
-What is my true alignment?
-What does that mean I need to do now?

There were a few more sidebar conversations about the effort of changing the environment, but after my mini-coaching session in bed this morning, listening to the fly speak to me about my beliefs and values and ultimately who I want to be, I’ve made my decision.

The aligned action for me in this moment is to say goodbye to some things. I will grieve and I will also trust that by doing so I am making room for that which wants to come forward.

I’m so grateful for the skills of coaching and how they not only help coaches listen better to others, but beyond grateful that they help me listen better to myself - that’s real empowerment.

When we do our own inner work we give others permission to do the same for themselves.

I’d love to hear what questions you’re asking yourself these days? Or if any of these stood out to you.


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